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Gottman validating communication

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This common pattern leads to a vicious communication cycle where one partner repeatedly complains, nags, criticizes and blames her spouse, while the other person repeatedly avoids, withdraws, stonewalls, or dismisses his partner.

The withdrawn spouse might initially respond by counterattacking or by being defensive but eventually he switches to withdrawal in order to avoid being overwhelmed.

Nathan Cobb Communication problems are very common among couples seeking help for their relationship.

Frequent arguments, fear of touching off a fight, heated exchanges, and avoidance of issues are all common complaints among couples I work with.

raising one’s voice, stating a complaint, or expressing one’s anger). Much of Gottman's earlier work, summarized in his first book What Makes Marriage Succeed or Fail?

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When we become flooded, we operate mainly from a self-preservation mindset.We seek mainly to protect ourselves from the turmoil of an escalating argument, either by becoming aggressive (verbally or physically) or by trying to get away.In distressed marriages, we commonly find habitual harsh startups by the wife combined with frequent flooding and subsequent stonewalling by the husband.In other words, when happy couples communicate, there are five times as many positive interactions between them (i.e.listening, validating the other person, using soft words, expressing appreciation, affirmation, physical affection, compliments, etc.) as there are negative (i.e. Gottman has conducted an exhaustive and thorough study of married couples, seeking to understand what distinguishes couples who divorce from couples who create strong and vibrant relationships.Normally, when you encounter a stressful and threatening situation, your body reacts in a way that helps you to deal with the danger.